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Reading papers about a melanoma trial. I’m totally confused because the attending with whom I worked with last told me to read up on this paper, but the results that he quoted me with are completely contradictory to what I’m reading. I am SO confused right now.



For fear of somebody from my workplace reading my blog, I can’t say much except to stay very vague.

But there’s this scene in Mean Girls, where Lindsay Lohan is at her goth “true” BFF’s workplace and looking through stuff in the store.  She keeps on talking about Regina, because she can’t stop.  The line went something like, “I knew that everybody was sick of it and that I hated her guts, but I couldn’t stop talking about her.  It was like I was obsessed.”  Okay, I probably got the line entirely wrong, but that was the general idea.  There’s someone whom I work with…

And there! I’ve already given away too much!


One reason why I chose to go into general surgery is because my patients are asleep.  See, I really don’t like to inflict pain.  So I prefer that my patients are asleep while I do things to them.  This is in contrast to performing procedures in the ER or in the clinic, when the patients are awake.

It’s horrifying.

Anyways, we needed to change a line out of one of our patients today.  She had this big honkin’ huge-ass line in her internal jugular vein, and they don’t let you have those on the floor because if something bad happened, nobody would notice that Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so is in his or her room bleeding to death.  And after we got the new line in, I got to stitch it back in.  I’ll be straight- I didn’t do a great job.  I get all scaredy and timid when my patients are awake, because- see above.  I’m horrified.  Scared.

We took the drapes down, and our patient was crying.  In a way, I knew it wasn’t all because of the pain, because we were finished hurting her.  I could see on her face the frustration she felt about just… being in the hospital, after a huge operation, in pain and not wanting to ambulate when we were pushing her to get out of bed.  Sort of a hopelessness and a “poor me when is this going to end” sort of thing.  I’m not pretending I know how it feels to have a huge procedure in which all of your bowels are rearranged, but for some reason, I saw that feeling on her face when the drapes came down.  God, I hate it when my patients are conscious.

Anyways, I heard that later that day she was doing really well.  I hope she leaves here without having any complications.  Looked, I just jinxed it.  But every patient with a major operation on this service has had some sort of complication.  And we keep getting people coming back in with complications.  It’s depressing.  And since it’s a new service for me and we’re covering a bajillion attendings, I’ve been on edge all week trying to get off to a good start with everybody.

Like how I should be reading NCCN guidelines for melanoma right now.

Yep, right now.

Like now.  Yes. Yes.



located in:
Salt Lake City, Utah

Score curriculum. Woohoo!

planning to cook:
In order to survive.

thinking about riding:
Once the Bird opens.

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